Transformers: Revenge of the Fallen (2009)

I’m not really sure where to begin with this review because I’m not really sure what exactly I have watched. The obvious answer is the sequel to 2007’s Transformers, a movie that I quite enjoyed. Sadly, calling this film just a sequel is far too kind. What Transformers: Revenge of the Fallen actually turns out to be is little more than a candy-coated barrage of computer-generated carnage with only the scantest pauses for actual story development. Not the kind of transformation that audiences, or the studios, were looking for in a multi-million dollar film franchise.

Two years after the search for the All Spark brought alien robots to Earth, the Autobots are helping mankind secretly dispose of the few remaining Decepticon forces. They are warned by one dying robot of a pending onslaught by a Transformer known as The Fallen, who attempted to destroy the Earth over 15,000 years ago. A band of Transformers known as the Dynasty of Primes defeated The Fallen, forcing him into exile up to now.

Meanwhile, Sam Witwicky (Shia LaBeouf) is headed to college, putting a strain on his relationship with girlfriend Mikaela (Megan Fox). He discovers a fragment of the All Spark on the shirt he wore two years earlier, which starts off another series of adventures for him and his friends. Contact with the fragment uploads all kinds of Transformer information into his mind and makes him a target for the Decepticons. The Fallen learns of the fragment from his underlings and has Megatron resurrected with it in order to kill Optimus Prime (the only known Cybertronian capable of defeating The Fallen). His plot is then to find and use the Matrix of Leadership to activate a machine hidden in the pyramids of Egypt that will destroy the Earth entirely.

Director Michael Bay has blamed the poor quality of this film on the fact that he and the studio rushed the script through to avoid any production delays due to the 2007-08 Writer’s Guild strike. On one hand, this makes perfect sense because a production delay could have led to conflicts with the actors’ future schedules and even possibly pushing the movie’s release back a year. The outcome, however, proves that you can’t rush creativity.

I find it amusing that shortening this film’s subtitle gives you the letters ROTF, which can also stand for ‘rolling on the floor’ (add an ‘L’ for ‘laughing’ to complete the web-trendy shorthand phrase). Unfortunately, as bad as this sequel is at times, you find yourself frustrated and confused more often than amused. Between the history of The Fallen and the Dynasty of Primes, and new revelations from former Sector Seven crazy man Simmons (John Turturro), Revenge retcons most of what we know about the history between Autobots, Decepticons, Earth and mankind. Wouldn’t it be simpler for The Fallen to sneak up on Earth with some kind of super-weapon requiring part of the All Spark to work instead of re-writing the history that was so concisely explained to us in the first film? Why exactly was it necessary to resurrect Megatron? Furthermore, why didn’t Sam Witwicky wash that shirt in two years time?

As if things weren’t confusing enough, Bay and his team throw in a few inaccuracies to boot. There is a scene where they discover a 1,000 year old Transformer hiding in the National Air and Space Museum. The only problem with this is the fact that it’s clearly not the Air and Space Museum because there are no wooded areas in downtown Washington D.C. (a different facility was misattributed in the film). Frankly there is no excuse for this kind of glaring factual error no matter how pressed for time you are. I mean, they filmed the scenes at the real air center. Couldn’t somebody have made sure that they called it by the name on the signs outside? Maybe?

The retcons and errors have barely any time to sink until after the credits role because Revenge wouldn’t be a Michael Bay film without ridiculous amounts of action. If the first Transformers left you thirsty for more robot-on-robot and robot-on-human violence, then you’re in luck! As soon as any of our characters have more than five minutes to catch their breath a new volley of action gets underway. There’s destruction in China followed by a Decepticon attack at Sam’s Pennsylvania college, segueing into a robot battle in the middle of a forest, and culminating in several simultaneous raging conflicts in Egypt.

Had enough yet? Too bad! On top of it all, Bay and company throw in some raunchy humor, including a small quadruped robot that humps Megan Fox’s leg, an old-timer robot who falls asleep easily, and a pair of twin Autobots that attracted oodles of negative publicity for using stereotypical African-American slang and behavior. I can understand throwing a little comedic relief into the mix because this is, after all, a movie based on a children’s show, itself was based on a line of children’s toys. The jokes and physical humor on display here, however, are just plain stupid.

Rushed is the best word to describe Transformers: Revenge of the Fallen. It’s two and a half hours long but you won’t notice the time passing. The film yanks you along from scene to scene at a hurried pace, only leaving you time to digest anything at the end. Then the questions come flooding in but you are so fatigued from all the explosions, slow-motion carnage and whiplash-inducing camerawork that you don’t really want to think about anything.

In this way, Michael Bay almost pulls off the magic trick. By throwing enough rapid-fire content at our eyes and ears we are nearly stunned into submission. But enough of the illusion is faulty that the whole charade falls apart, revealing Revenge as nothing more than a sketchy smoke and mirror show needing more attention to detail and at least a half-dozen re-writes.

RATING: 1.25 out of 5

Transformers (2007)

Taking the story of a popular toy line and turning what was formerly just a cartoon series into a live-action movie is a bold proposition. For as long as I can remember, there was always interest in bringing the Transformers to the big screen, but the logistics of doing so often caused much trepidation on the part of the studios and filmmakers. This always led to the abandonment of the project. Always, that is, until Michael Bay came along.

Michael Bay’s résumé is quite bi-polar. He has had several smashing financial successes (Armageddon, The Rock) and at least one box office bomb (The Island). Even when he’s had financial success, the quality of his movies have been suspect (both Armageddon and Pearl Harbor were both panned by critics and nominated for Worst Picture at their respective Razzie Awards). So while making money off of a live-action Transformers film was a foregone conclusion, many of us wondered if it would be any good.

The answer is a resounding YES! Transformers brings all the explosive, noisy fun you were hoping for and wraps it up with a bow of fantastic special effects. And then there’s more! I was very surprised and impressed by how seriously the story was treated without going overboard into melodrama. You really do get a sense that the fate of the world hangs in the balance.

Shia LaBeouf leaves no doubts about it- he has matured into a real actor and has broken away from the kiddie stuff that got him into the business. He more than convincingly portrays a less-than-popular high school student trying to make sense of the life and death struggle between two warring races of alien robots, the Autobots and the Decepticons.

Most of the writing is very sharp and surprisingly dramatic. LaBeouf’s character (Sam Witwicky) buys a car that turns out to be an Autobot (the good guys). At first it just seems like the car is full of quirks, but when the Decepticons (the bad guys) attack him, the information starts to roll out. Witwicky’s grandfather discovered the Decpticon leader, Megatron, frozen in the ice of the Arctic Circle. Not all the systems were shut down though, as Megatron etched the coordinates to a powerful energy source onto the man’s glasses.

The glasses are now in the hands of Sam and posting them on eBay almost literally brings the battle to his front door. The energy source they both seek is the All-Spark. It is so powerful that it can be wielded for creative or destructive purposes. The Autobots are for the former; the Decipticons, the latter.

There are plenty of battle scenes, as the Decepticons clash with both humans and Autobots, causing much drama, suspense and destruction. Most of these action sequences involve the Transformers shifting from the vehicular forms into full-fledged robots, which is almost always seamless and breathtaking. For much of the film, these transforming sequences do not look fake. The Transformers really look like they exist side by side with their human counterparts.

I really only have a few quibbles with this otherwise solid film. First, the acting and writing goes over the top when the Sector 7 folks show up. John Turturro is way out of line and I honestly thought he was a Decipticon hologram. Frankly, I wish he would have been.

Also, while the transforming sequences were spectacular to look at, I took issue with the size and weight that these Transformers possess when they are in the robot forms. They are very tall and appear to weigh a lot, as running and slamming into things creates a lot of damage to the ground and buildings. Maybe they could have done a bit more comparable physics research but this is mostly excusable.

The All-Spark is almost a MacGuffin in that it motivates the Transformers to do what they do and is the central item that the conflict occurs over. But, it appears very late in the film and is gone so quickly that it almost feels anticlimactic. Then again, this is the toy/cartoon resolution that I should have been expecting, so it too is excusable.

My final quibble is with the music. Much of the orchestral music is beautiful and dramatic and works very well to compliment the action. But sometimes during battle sequences, the filmmakers ditch the dramatic score and throw in modern rock tunes. To be fair, this decision helps keep the film mindful of its core audience (kids, teens and kids at heart), but it did pull me out of it just a tad.

All in all, this was a very impressive film. So many things could have been overdone or underdone, but just about everything was hit just right. The story was treated seriously enough for adults to enjoy but kept fun enough to keep the younger crowd on the edge of their seats. Awesome effects, dizzying camera work and sharp acting make Transformers something to remember.

This isn’t just a popcorn pleaser. If you’ve still got a kid somewhere inside you, check this one out.

RATING: 3.5 out of 5

The Island (2005)

I enjoy pleasant surprises. One of the all-time US box office bombs, I picked up The Island expecting to watch a delightful disaster that would fit nicely in my lower ranks. As it turns out, there are only a few things wrong with The Island.

First, it should have been made for $80 million less than it was. Going low-tech on some of the special effects would have made the film grittier. There was just too much splash and polish. Second, Sean Bean is cast as a mastermind villain. This just doesn’t work people! He’s good at being a thug but Bean is simply incapable of portraying a highly intelligent person.

Third and lastly, Hollywood should know better than to release an intelligent film during the summer. Summer movie-goers just want flashy effects and pretty faces. Granted, The Island delivers this with Ewan McGregor and Scarlett Johansson, but the movie has an intelligent concept at its core. This will make the summer crowd try to think, which almost always fails. Instead, the film puts up a brick wall and the crowds couldn't “get it.”

McGregor and Johansson are believed to be living in a colony of survivors from some devastating epidemic. In reality, they’re all clones of rich and famous people that will be used as a costly “insurance policy” when the rich folk need a healthy transplant. The colony has strict health guidelines and relationships are taboo. They discover what they are and escape into the real world but are pursued by the company that grew them.

Kind of a unique “fight for truth” and morally challenging film. I’m surprised there wasn’t more buzz over it, what with all the fuss over stem cell research and where it could go. This film takes it to one extreme and does so admirably. Shame on all of us for not making The Island a success.

RATING: 3.5 out of 5