The Blob (1988)

It’s almost universally accepted that remakes are not as good as the original. This remake of The Blob received generally better reviews upon its release than the 1958 flick and many still maintain that, despite the cult status of the original, this version is better. I, on the other hand, found this remake inferior. While some elements have been improved due to better technology, The Blob is still incredibly lacking in originality and features some of the worst clichés that films of the 1980s gave us.

The story is very much the same- a meteorite falls to earth, containing a small gelatinous creature that devours whatever living thing it comes in contact with and increases in size the more it eats. The creature finds its way into a small town and terrorizes the residents. It still has the same color and appearance and still has the same vulnerabilities (cold). Two teenagers (one a troublemaker, the other a good girl) alert their friends and neighbors to the presence of the creature and help stop it.

This new version of The Blob improves some of the weaker aspects from the original. For instance, instead of just looking like a glob of jelly on the ground, this Blob has a little more texture and color variation to it. It also moves more satisfyingly than in the original. This Blob doesn’t just roll or slide around; it twitches, writhes and crawls its way to its next victim. It still behaves a little too intelligently for something that doesn’t appear to have a brain and the speed at which it moves changes, creating some continuity issues, but the Blob itself is an improvement.

The visual effects are also improved to a degree. The original film was made for cheap and many effects were poorly done. Obviously the effects would be better, given technological improvements, but not 100% better. The film still shows its age through some lousy blue screen work. The improved effects serve to make the Blob a bit more fearsome, but there are plenty of faults that tear this movie apart.

The first pitfall of this new incarnation of The Blob is that it gives in to the bloodlust that scary movies of the 80s demanded. Given the success of the Halloween, Friday the 13th and Nightmare on Elm Street franchises, anyone suggesting that a remake of The Blob didn’t need to be gory was probably laughed at. I think less blood and gore would have helped the film, but any kids trying sneaking into a theater to see it would complain to their friends later that it was simply too tame. Seeing flesh dissolve off of a victims face is one thing, but I found myself drawing a line when the Blob attacks and successfully devours a child.

During an escape scene in the sewer, the female lead is trying to get her little brother and his friend to safety. Initially, I was surprised to see the Blob pull the boy’s friend under the water. I was almost impressed at the chance they took by having a child get killed by the monster. When the child came back up to the surface screaming and half-dissolved for added shock, however, I found myself appalled. In horror films, less is always more.

Ironically, The Blob is pulled in another direction at the same time. While bowing to campy teen bloodlust, the film also takes itself far too seriously (something that plagued many 80s flicks in general). The sternness exuded by Kevin Dillon’s bad boy character is laughable. The original film was meant to be a popcorn monster flick and nothing more. There’s really no weight or gravitas that can be injected into a film about a glob of interstellar goop binging on anything it can grip, so I don’t know why they tried.

The stay with Dillon for a moment, I’d like to point out how ludicrous the whole bad-boy-turned-hero arc that infected far too many 80s films looks now in retrospect. The glorification of rebel teens is one thing, but it was far too much for the filmmakers to try and idolize a supposed thug who appears to use more hair care products that my mother and sister combined.

The final insult came with probably the biggest deviation from the original film- the Blob, as it turns out, is not just a random creature that fell to earth on a meteorite. It’s actually the result of a government biological weapons experiment gone wrong! Cue they eye roll right now. It just seems lazy to me to have the Blob be the construct of a sinister government experiment. Leaving it as a random creature from outer space is actually scarier, because the audience is left to wonder how many more of these things could possibly fall to earth. We don’t really need an explanation about the monster’s origins. To make matters worse, the government agents that take over the town are bent on killing anyone who knows about and preserving the monstrosity rather than showing concern for the citizens under attack.

This remake is capped off with a potshot at religious fanaticism. A loopy preacher happens to save a piece of the Blob and travels the countryside preaching threats of an impending doomsday that he will unleash when God gives him a sign.

You get what you pay for in this remake of a cheesy 50s monster movie. I recommend you save your money, and if you can track down a copy for free, save yourself the time. The Blob becomes a monster in and of itself, as the filmmakers try to stuff far too much into a plot that was always thin to begin with.

RATING: 1.75 out of 5