Because I Said So (2007)

I am going to break from my usual formula for reviews and advise you right off the bat- spare yourself and avoid this movie at all costs. It’s not the worst movie ever made but you will suffer for your foolishness if you decide to watch it. That’s not a threat from me to you. This movie just might make you hate yourself a little bit for subjecting yourself to its inadequacies.

Daphne (Diane Keaton) is a helicopter mom from hell with a fashion sense that never evolved past the Annie Hall mannish look. Latching onto the love life of her youngest daughter, Milly (Mandy Moore), turns out to be a disaster for all parties. Milly ends up dating two men at once- the man her mother favors after placing a personal ad on behalf of Milly, and a musician who Daphne feels is woefully inadequate for her little girl.

Do any of these characters sound likeable to you? A neurotic middle-aged woman who tries to manipulate her adult children? A young adult who ends up sleeping with two men because she can’t figure out which one she really wants to date? Anybody? Anybody? Bueller? Bueller?

To be fair, a story about family member fixing the problems of either one of these characters might have potential. Mixing the two the way the filmmakers have here creates a disaster of a film that fails in every arena save for having a few ideas that might work. The time and cost involved in re-writing this mess into two coherent tales would be enormous because the only two round characters in the current narrative suck big time. Fleshing out the rest of the cast would be a nightmare too because there is very little to work with.

This film is billed as a romantic comedy. There is nothing romantic about a loose woman leading on two decent guys, nor is there anything comedic about the ditzy female stereotypes running amok in these reels. I would expect any intelligent woman to be extremely disappointed with this film. I would also expect any intelligent man to be extremely disappointed with the woman who was tricked into thinking this dreck might be enjoyable.

Some films leave you anxious for resolution. Because I Said So had me anxious for the closing credits. In case you ever had any curiosity in watching this film, please know this: it stinks to high heaven. If you find a copy of it, run in the opposite direction.

RATING: 1 out of 5