Varsity Blues (1999)

The three most cliché ridden subgenres of film are chick flicks, sports films, and teen movies. Varsity Blues manages to combine the latter two quite well, providing us with much of the unsurprising twists and turns that come with teen athletes. But, instead of leaving me groaning over the obvious, this film actually hits its stride and packs enough genuine humor and light drama in all the right places.

I’ll get the negatives out of the way- This film is populated by your typical cast of (mostly) gorgeous young 20-somethings, none of whom look or sound like teenagers. All of the key good and bad points in the film come very predictably and don’t surprise you one lick. The film relies on some very tacky stuff, like high-schoolers partying and messing around like frat boys and lots of toilet humor. The film contradicts itself by glorifying rebellious attitudes while at the same time championing teamwork.

The thing is though that Varsity Blues isn’t taking itself seriously enough to be derailed by these time-(dis)honored clichés. It’s meant to be a fun and funny movie that tells a small story. And that’s exactly what it is.

James Van Der Beek is Jon Moxon, second string quarterback for a powerhouse high school team in a small Texas town. His dad was a football legend and Jon is pretty good at throwing the pigskin, but he has no desire to play football beyond high school. He’s smart, athletic and popular- he’s the perfect teen sports movie protagonist. He’s got big plans to go to Brown University, but life throws him a curveball. Starting QB Lance Harbor seriously injures his knee, forcing Moxon into the spotlight.

Varsity Blues is the story of one young man’s escape. Moxon seeks to escape football, despite his abilities. He seeks to escape the dead end, football-obsessed podunk Texas town that he lives in. He seeks to escape the pattern of young people getting trapped in this town, unable to make something of themselves. It’s not that he hates football, his family or his town; he just feels stifled and repressed by it all. This motif is hardly groundbreaking, but it is something that a lot of teens can relate to, which makes it work. It also helps that football, his family and his team are portrayed in such a way that audiences can’t help but cheer him on in making his escape.

Moxon isn’t the only person seeking escape though. The head cheerleader, played by Ali Larter, is desperate to break away from small town life. She had been dating Lance Harbor, hoping his success would take them away from Texas. When Lance gets hurt, she tries to attach herself to Moxon, even going so far as to strip nude and don a whipped cream bikini to seduce him. Another player on the team is equally desperate to get anywhere but Texas. Desperate to get recruited to a decent school, he contemplates taking cortisone shots to ease the pain of an injury so he can stay on the field and make the big plays that scouts will notice.

All of this is nothing new. Coming of age films have been around nearly as long as they have been making movies and yearning for something larger than what you know is a classic cinema staple. No one can make a film that says anything different about the longing to break free and the desire to make something of yourself. It’s all in the presentation and the obstacles presented (in this case, it's a tyrannical football coach).

Varsity Blues knows its target audience and injects all the high school sensibilities and 90s wit needed to please younger audiences. It’s got beautiful people, sex, drugs (in the form of alcohol and cortisone shots), and a rock and roll soundtrack to boot. It taps into the angst that teenagers are all too accustomed to and tells a story that is like a lighter version of the book Friday Night Lights and the movie and TV series that followed it.

Sure, it’s predictable (to a point) and it’s got plenty of clichés and stereotypes of the rebellious teen/sports genres, but that’s half the fun of Varsity Blues. Younger viewers don’t care and eat this stuff up like a loving spoonful of teen entertainment. Through all the ups and downs, pros and cons, Varsity Blues is a harmless bit of fun that I’m still young enough to appreciate. Plus, I finally got to watch the film that gave us the whipped cream bikini scene, which has been referenced, spoofed and mocked ever since.

RATING: 3.25 out of 5

The Fast and the Furious (2001)

Not only does this film glorify the irresponsible and potentially deadly hobby of illegal street racing, it also seems to make an attempt to legitimize it, leaving me with nothing but contempt for The Fast and the Furious.

Essentially a shallow repackaging/rip-off of the 1991 film Point Break, The Fast and the Furious boasts “high-octane action and excitement” but, in reality, rarely manages to make it out of first gear. Paul Walker stars as a twenty-something undercover cop trying to break into the local street racing culture in hopes of uncovering the mastermind behind a series of semi truck robberies on local highways.

Walker makes himself look like a rookie fool by racing the local hotshots with his car at stake and losing, though he tried his darndest to win. Fortunately, a “surprise” police raid causes everyone to flee, allowing Walker to save one of the street racing gang leaders, played by Vin Diesel. Despite looking like a total stooge and the all-too-convenient raid and getaway, Walker is admitted into Diesel’s inner circle. One of Diesel’s gang sees right through Walker’s ruse but Diesel doesn’t believe it.

Walker proceeds to fall in love with Diesel’s sister and comes to embrace his new found “friends” and their lifestyle. This clouds his vision to the fact that Diesel is indeed the one behind the highway robberies and he spends much of the movie trying desperately to find evidence that one of the other gang leaders is behind it.

In the end, Walker has to make a choice. After a highway robbery goes awry and one of Diesel’s gang is seriously hurt, Walker exposes himself as a cop to get medevac for the injured. With Diesel’s operation exposed and cops on the way, Walker does the only logical thing left to be done: he lets Diesel flee to Mexico. Walker puts faux friends and a lifestyle that isn’t his above his duties as a police officer and lets the bad guy get away.

So, aside from the anti-establishment undertones, what is wrong with this movie? For starters, the writing sucks. I understand that much of the dialog is meant to be tongue-in-cheek, but it’s still woefully written tongue-in-cheek. Groan worthy lines like “You look tired, I think you should go upstairs and give me a massage” and “I live my life a quarter-mile at a time” are just a few examples of how stale and out of touch the script is.

The actors do their best to deal with the horrible prose they are force fed, but stale or overblown performances prevent the acting from achieving anything above mediocrity. Very few, if any, of the characters seem genuine. Most are built out of stereotypes and conventions that have grown to be more irksome than appreciable. Walker’s eagerness to be playing his first bona fide leading role and the lousy script make his character completely unbelievable and easy to pick out as an undercover cop. Vin Diesel appears to either have just been acting like his normal self or he decided to adopt his character’s attitude in real life. It’s hard to tell, but either way he’s a flat character and it’s hard to imagine a guy who grew up on the streets and working with cars to be such a genius at crime.

The rest of the cast is filled out with actors and actresses who have also had very little experience with main or even supporting roles. There’s a lot of raw talent in The Fast and the Furious, but it doesn’t appear that director Rob Cohen spent much time helping the young cast figure out their characters. All this untapped and unfocused talent is a lot to sit through for 100 minutes. I’d like the think the cast (excepting Vin Diesel of course) will go on to have bright careers when they get the proper amount of direction.

Some of the chase scenes and visual effects are a bit on the silly side. I mean, do we really need a CGI shot that takes us from the engine block back through the exhaust pipe? I think not. The use of computer inserted ‘speed lines’ to make viewers think that the cars are traveling really fast are preposterous. These effects make the cars look like they are traveling much faster than they really could under the same conditions in real life.

Also, some of the stunt work, while impressive looking, is very deceiving. Some of the race scene and wrecks are very well choreographed and executed, but rely on visual trickery and many modifications to pull off. For instance, very few cars are low enough to the ground to drive underneath and a semi truck’s trailer. Even one that is low enough would be obstructed by the spare tire holder and other parts that hang below the bottom of the trailer. The trucks used have raised trailers, which are easy to spot if you know where to look. It all looks ‘cool,’ but it’s not realistic.

And that’s the biggest problem with The Fast and the Furious. Much of it is just too unrealistic to keep my mind from suppressing my doubt for very long. The dialog is phony, the acting is stale and the plot is a stretch. The way they rob the trucks is really truly laughable and probably wouldn’t work.

At its heart, The Fast and the Furious is a guilty pleasure movie but it really turns out to be guilty of poor execution and being an almost undetectable rip-off. Just as Point Break sparked an interest in surfing back in the early 90s, The Fast and the Furious sparked interest in illegal street racing, a decidedly more dangerous and less athletic pursuit.

Thanks for nothing.

RATING: 1.5 out of 5