Home on the Range (2004)

To be completely honest, I had to look up this film online to refresh my memory of the plot points. That sentence alone should tell you loud and clear what kind of impression this film makes on its audience. This is pretty much lowest-common denominator Disney. It may satisfy visually but without memorable characters or a compelling story, there is nothing to recommend here outside of a momentary distraction.

After the rest of her herd is stolen by the dastardly Alameda Slim (Randy Quaid), Maggie (Roseanne Barr), is sold to the Patch of Heaven farm, where she butts heads with two prim and proper cows named Grace (Jennifer Tilly) and Mrs. Calloway (Judi Dench). When Patch of Heaven is threatened with foreclosure, Maggie convinces the other cows to band together and find a way to raise enough money to save the farm. Upon learning that the bounty on Alameda Slim is the exact amount needed to save their home, Maggie steers the trio headlong into an adventure that is as revealing as it is dangerous.

The basic plot of this film has been done more times than I can count. Whether it’s winning a contest, putting on a show, or (in this case) finding something to claim a reward, we’ve seen this outline too many times before to even mistake it as original. Using an archetypal story isn’t a sin, however. The real problem is that Disney fails to give Home on the Range any satisfying twists on said archetypal story. Oh sure, there are outlandish deviations from the blueprint but perhaps a yodeling cattle rustler is a little too out there to be accepted by anyone who has finished elementary school.

The timing of Home on the Range is tragic. Computer-animated films had taken over and Disney, reading the writing on the wall, decided to make one last traditional animated film for nostalgia’s sake. The animation in this film showcases the sad slide in quality that befell Disney over a half-dozen years. It’s not bad but it’s often no better than Disney’s TV cartoons (if they even still made them for afternoon and Saturday morning TV by 2004).

The characters in this film are hit or miss. Roseanne Barr’s sassy, blue-collar wit is something I grew up with, so that may explain why I’m okay with Maggie. She is a little paint-by-numbers but the personality injected by the voice actor goes a long way. I cannot say that the same goes for the rest of the cast. Grace and Mrs. Calloway fall under the typical goodie-goodie types who grow to appreciate their boisterous colleague but never really approve of her behavior. It’s more solidarity than sisterhood. Everyone else is just there to fill a role and provide their own brief moment of uniqueness but they fail to leave a mark.

When a film alternates between trying too hard and not trying hard enough, it makes it hard to know what to think. This review feels almost like a collection of incomplete thoughts but maybe that’s less of strike against me and more of a strike against the film. As far as Disney films go, Home on the Range is terrible. Fortunately, terrible for Disney is still a mostly-harmless way to kill some time if you absolutely must.

RATING: 2.75 out of 5

Independence Day (1996)

Remember the 90s? You know, when big, dumb summer movies didn’t have to be grim, gritty, or terribly realistic? Yeah, those were the days. For all its faults, Independence Day was just what the doctor ordered. It’s not high art but it’s filled with awesome special effects. Its story is completely implausible but darn if it isn’t well-written to cover up its faults. Simply put, no amount of scrutiny and nitpicking can prevent me from having a good time while watching this film.

Alien spacecraft take position over major cities across the globe. The human race’s worst fears are realized when these visitors turn out to be anything but friendly. Rising to the challenge to defeat this interstellar menace are a wise-cracking fighter pilot (Will Smith), a computer nerd (Jeff Goldblum), and the young and bold President of the United States (Bill Pullman).

This could have been just another dumb action flick where stuff blows up, feeding the need of testosterone-laden young men across the land. Thankfully, the writers created an enemy so powerful and advanced that the good guys can’t possibly win on grit, spit, and bullets alone. They need to get their geek on too. It sounds weird to say, but Jeff Goldblum’s character helps ground this film a little closer to reality. Call it a sign of the times or even ahead of its time, but Independence Day actually make warfare modern through the use of technological subterfuge. It goes well beyond the cheesy James Bond spy satellite stuff.

Let’s be realistic here for a moment. Like any action flick, this film is full of so much coincidence and lucky timing that you shouldn’t accept it. Spreading flames seem to slow down long enough to allow a dog to find safety and proceeds to not engulf a utility closet. An alien spaceship can be flown by humans, without spacesuits even. An Apple computer holds the key to conquering an alien race for crying out loud!

These sorts of things should suck us right out of a movie, yet Independence Day holds its own thanks to great writing and a wonderful cast. No one is gunning for an Oscar or fanboy cred here. Will Smith and Jeff Goldblum milk it for all its worth and Bill Pullman knows just when to switch gears from stoic and presidential to forceful and raw. Toss in some extra comedic relief with a redneck crop-duster, who claims to have been abducted by aliens, and you have nearly non-stop enjoyable fun.

The subject matter is bleak and could have been drowned in heavy brooding and violence but the story never lingers too long in despair and keeps the brutality of war at arm’s length. It’s absolutely silly but it is also slick and fun. Independence Day is what most summer action flicks aspire to be. There is a reason no one remembers it for its quality. The foundation is beyond shaky but the rest of the ingredients pack such a punch that only foreign audiences tired of Americans saving the day and anti-war leftists will dislike it.

RATING: 3.25 out of 5