Never Say Never Again (1983)

Question: What’s a sure-fire way to suck the fun and mystique out of a James Bond film?

Answer: Have the first third of the film focused on Bond going to a health clinic to eliminate free radicals in his body and other such silly new-agey medical psychobabble.

Never Say Never Again is an unofficial entry into the James Bond series. It is not considered to be canon and is actually a remake of 1965’s Thunderball. Sean Connery returns to the role he started, but instead of playing a supposed ageless super spy, Connery gives us a middle-aged Bond who’s not quite at the top of his game anymore, but still chugging right along.

While Connery does play Bond well, the entire film is lacking something. All the quirky jokes referencing his age are needless and get annoying pretty quickly. The writing isn’t very good, and the film fails to improve upon the original incarnation of Thunderball. But it remains to be said that even a weak Bond movie is still fairly entertaining. It was nice to see anybody but Roger Moore as Bond for a change.

This unofficial 007 flick is officially passable.

RATING: 2.75 out of 5

Rocky II (1979)

WARNING: MAJOR SPOILERS AHEAD!

The movie poster says "The story continues..." but they didn’t really need to make this film. The good news is that it’s not a heinous crime of a follow-up (as some sequels can be).

Rocky II picks up during the fight between Rocky and Apollo Creed (a clever way to chew up 10 or so minutes without shooting any new footage). Creed was named winner by decision, but demands a rematch from the Italian Stallion. Only this time it will be a legitimate title shot for Rocky.

There’s more of the awkward courtship between Rocky and Adrian, and eventually they become engaged and get married. Rocky tries doing commercials to make some cash, but he’s not the most literate, nor articulate, guy in the world, so he ends up taking Creed up on the title fight. As the fight looms near, Adrian gives birth but falls into a coma. This impedes Rocky’s ability to train properly and Mickey gets angry at him.

Fortunately, Adrian wakes up weeks before the fight and (high on meds that she is) manages to perk Rocky up and tell him to go out there and win that fight. This fills him with just the right amount of confidence to keep pace with music playing in the training montage and the Stallion is back. He wins that fight and shouts “Yo Adrian!” Roll credits.

Basically, Rocky II was made for the sole purpose of letting Rocky win, but it’s still enjoyable and the fight scenes are really good.

RATING: 2.75 out of 5

Best In Show (2000)

Simply hilarious. That’s the only way to put it. You think Will Ferrell movies are funny where his spoof of a certain type of person is the dominating feature of the film? Well then, maybe you shouldn’t watch this movie, because if you think Will Ferrell movies are great, then you lack the intelligence to handle Christopher Guest’s superior wit.

While Farrell spends his time making fun of people and activities that are already the butts of many jokes, Christopher Guest comes out of left field with a mockumentary about a dog show. Just about everyone rolls their eyes when we see a dog show on TV, but have any of us bothered to check out all the intricacies and neurotic behavior exhibited by some of these canine lovers? Guest does and does it well.

Best In Show is an ensemble film, showing the lives of several different individuals and couples as they prepare themselves for the rigors of a regional dog show. The dogs are hardly important in all this, making you wonder which is supposed to be the case- Are dog show contestants actually capable of being as egotistical and superstitious as overpaid professional athletes? Or, are these dog owners just as bad as parents who try to live vicariously through their 8-year olds accomplishments and torment them with condescension until they meet an impossibly high standard? Either way, the ramifications are at once startling and hilarious.

Whether Guest is trying to expose the dark side of dog shows or simply proposing a ‘what if’ scenario to show how ridiculous the drive for athletic success can be when transposed on a different kind of contest, the end result is terrific. Call a doctor ahead of time, because you’ll tear your sides apart in laughter.

RATING: 3.75 out of 5

Man of the Year (2006)

This movie actually surprised me a little bit. Instead of a hammed-up political farce, Robin Williams and the filmmakers turn out a delicate balance of humor and drama.

While the premise of the film is not very likely (a John Stewart-esque comedian runs for President as a joke at first but then stirs things up plenty good during the campaign and winning based on an easily detectable though ignored computer glitch), Robin Williams makes it shine just the same. A computer programmer (Laura Linney) discovers the glitch and tries to warn everyone, but is kept quiet and discredited by her employer, who just received a hefty contract for his new, yet faulty, voting machines to be used just about everywhere.

Linney eventually meets up with Williams and they seek to find and disclose the truth, even if it means sacrificing the office of the Presidency (which he didn’t actually win anyway). Overall, it’s charming and unique and pretty well done. It was good to see Robin Williams in a more subdued comedic role, which I think is more appropriate for his age and something he should stick with. He’s still in top form while being aware of his limitations, which I appreciated.

RATING: 3.25 out of 5

The 40 Year Old Virgin (2005)

Let it be said, I really don’t like “unrated” versions of films. All “unrated” means is an excuse for the filmmakers to throw all the excessive cursing and nudity back into the film that common sense told them cut out for the theatrical release. It doesn’t make the film any better. In fact, it often times makes it worse. This film is a prime example.

The concept of The 40 Year Old Virgin is actually pretty good. Steve Carell proves he is a comedic force to be reckoned with, without going over-the-top slapstick goofy on us. His character is not just an overblown comedic character, but an amalgamation of several real-world neurotic quirks that are genuinely funny.

All the extra nudity and swearing reverts us back into overblown comedy though.

There wasn’t a “rated” version of this film accessible to me when I watched this and I’m not sure if one exists. It seems any crude humor now demands an unrated-only version DVD release. Like I said, the story is genuinely good and I would have enjoyed it better if the cursing and crude factor were toned down a bit. If anyone has a “rated” version of the film, I’d more than likely re-watch it to see how the movie really was.

RATING: 3.25 out of 5

Pinocchio (1940)

Walt Disney’s second full length animated feature film is full of surprises. Firstly, it is surprising to see a story of Italian origin depict Italians in a rather harsh way. Perhaps this is because of tensions of Italian allegiance to Germany during the time period. Whatever the reason, if you look closely, you’ll find that the good guys in Pinocchio (Geppetto, Pinocchio and the blue fairy) are all fair skinned, more closely resembling Western European and American whites. In contrast, Stromboli, the villainous puppet maker looks and acts stereotypically, with darker skin and sharp gestures. It’s almost as if Disney was playing to “whiter” audiences’ prejudices.

Another unique aspect of Pinocchio is how dark it is. Essentially a morality tale of how to be a good and proper child, there is no romance and plenty of bleakness through most of the film. The beginning and the end are the joyful high points, while hope seems barely a glimmer through the middle. It creates a very down-trodden feel, but not quite to the point of hopelessness.

Despite not being as cheery overall as Snow White, Pinocchio is still a marvel for the eyes. Rich backgrounds and fabulous colors are everywhere, showcasing Disney’s complete and utter mastery for the art form. It’s truly mind-boggling how much detail Disney puts into the background elements. Later animation styles would try and skim these out, creating a more bare-bones feel, but the lushness of the stories Disney chose to animate early on really need all the little details in the background.

Oddly discomforting, yet spellbinding just the same, Pinocchio is another must-see classic from Disney.

RATING: 4.25 out of 5

Good Night, and Good Luck* (2005)

It’s a rare treat to find a film about historical events that parallels modern times without seeming arrogant and egotistical about it. A diamond in the rough has surely been found with Good Night, and Good Luck.

Director George Clooney wants you to see the parallel between the McCarthy era witch hunt for communists and the post-9/11 era witch hunt against anyone voicing dissent against the government, branding them “unpatriotic.” However, I got the sense that, as bad as Clooney wants viewers to see the parallel, he doesn’t go overboard. If you don’t pick it up, you’re still going to get a strong idea about the tenacity and vileness of Senator Joseph McCarthy’s tactics. It seems Clooney figures that if you can’t infer the parallel, you’ll at least get a history lesson, hopefully preventing us from sliding into repeating this awful past. It’s a good stance to take.

It’s not preachy and it’s not simplistic. The film is shot in glorious black and white, allowing some of the best use of contrast I’ve ever seen. The blacks are deeply black and the whites and lights stand out against them like a full moon against the night sky. This all works to Clooney’s benefit. The story motors right along and doesn’t really leave you with a traditional ending. Not everything is resolved picture perfect, but that’s life, and the struggle goes on to this day.

Memorably written and expertly shot, George Clooney continues to win me over. While this would have been a controversial pick for Best Picture, I actually think it was more deserving than Crash.

RATING: 4.25 out of 5

Shakespeare in Love** (1998)

Plain and simple, there are too many fruitballs in the Academy. There is no reason for this movie to have won Best Picture over Saving Private Ryan, one of the most gripping, moving and emotionally jarring films ever made. Instead of choosing a clearly superior film loosely based on a true story full of bravery during one of mankind’s most horrific hours, the Academy decides to honor a piece of pure fiction taking place in an idealized vision of the Renaissance, filled to the brim with historical inaccuracies. And pleather.

Of course, Shakespeare in Love isn’t trying to be accurate in anything it does, which, I guess, is the beauty of it. Just like theatre, the film is flooded with convenience and the use of deus ex machina. There’s plenty of ham to go with the overabundance of cheese as well.

Instead of the drab garb of a repressed middle and lower class, the streets are filled with vibrant colors and fabrics that may or may not have existed back then. The Bohemian lifestyle of living for love despite wretched conditions is perpetuated and glorified in an all too unrealistic way here, and the Renaissance period is whitewashed, where even the potential of plague and illness don’t muck up the fluffy white clouds on the horizon for our characters.

But don’t get me wrong. For what it is, Shakespeare in Love is a solidly good film. It’s exactly the kind of thing its audience is looking for- a fictitious love story set up ambiguously during real events (a la Titanic and Pearl Harbor) with all the frills of a fancy theatre fruitball jolly-fest. And for delivering what the audience wants, it’s a good film. Good costuming and some good camerawork too, which is why it has such a good rating.

As far as my personal tastes go, this one is a dud. But, since I try and keep things in a cinematic perspective, I’ve got to give credit where credit is due, even though the thought of Shakespeare in pleather gives me the chills.

RATING: 3.5 out of 5

Snow Falling on Cedars (1999)

Sort of a West Coast version of To Kill a Mocking Bird, Snow Falling on Cedars focuses on the Washington State trial of a man of Japanese descent during the early 1950s, when Americans (particularly on the West Coast) were fearful and mistrusting of anything Japanese since World War II. The stage is set pretty clearly and the odds are stacked against him.

Ethan Hawke is the town newspaper editor who struggles with his own bias while covering the case. As a boy he was in love with a girl who became the accused man’s wife but he lost an arm fighting the Japanese in the war. Now he finds himself convinced that the accused is innocent and must work against the town’s racism in order for justice to be upheld.

A bit slow from time to time, this film doesn’t quite have the back-story and side plots that made To Kill a Mocking Bird work, but the rigorous pursuit of justice is worth noting. It also doesn’t help much that the film's cast is made up almost entirely of actors known for their supporting roles. Otherwise, it’s a pretty good underachiever.

RATING: 3.25 out of 5

Blazing Saddles (1974)

One of the greatest comedies of all time and one of Mel Brooks’ greatest films, Blazing Saddles uncompromisingly lampoons the living daylights out of the Western genre.

In order to complete a railroad, a corrupt politician decides to scare a whole town into moving. When gangs and thugs don’t work, they try sending a black sheriff to town and get people to leave based on their unabashed racism. That doesn’t quite work either, as the sheriff is a hit and he gets a zany gunslinger of a partner (Gene Wilder) in defending the town.

Blazing Saddles pretty much covers the entire gamut of all things crude, rude and lewd. Cheap shots are made at all kinds of prejudiced beliefs and the absurdities of Westerns in general. Mel Brooks creates one gut-buster of a comedy that is a must-see, no matter how prudish you may be. Unless you’re a super stick in the mud, you’ll find plenty to laugh at here.

RATING: 4.5 out of 5